Hamstrung by Perfectionism
I am trying to find my way as a publishing writer. I have ideas, put them on paper, revise them, and that’s where I get stuck. Sharing is the hard part.
We can talk ourselves out of anything, when perfectionism is our particular demon. I’m speaking from experience.
My coach helped me understand the nature of my stuckness. It wasn’t fear of criticism or judgment, per se. It wasn’t a fear of exposing myself to the world. It’s actually fear of failure due to being a perfectionist. During our conversation, I flashed back to my childhood - if I don’t bring home an A, why bring home my grades at all? If I don’t win the race, why show up at all? It’s a self-defeating, self-sabotaging mindset - we tell ourselves if we can’t do it right, we’re just not going to do it..
After all, the guaranteed way to not fail is to not try.
I admit to quitting things too soon, not giving myself a fair shake because if I can’t do it right, I don’t want to do it. I’ve given up more hobbies and sports you can imagine due to this self-limiting attitude. I’m not proud of it.
Perfectionism can look like procrastination. Maybe we don’t even start. Or maybe we abandon it part way through. Or maybe we bring it to a final stage, but then don’t share it. With anyone.
Certainly, perfectionism makes us very good at the things we choose to specialize in. But it can also make us very stressed, burnt out and frankly, cranky people. Plus, we miss out on a whole universe of new things we could be doing, if we just let ourselves enjoy doing things, without putting pressure on ourselves to do them perfectly.
This is where the “good enough” model helps. If we can get things to 80% good, then that’s good enough, and it’s ready to go. Let it free into the world.
When we aim for 80% good, we can achieve a consistent level of output. And what’s more, we will continue to evolve in the nature and quality of our work, because we get into a rhythm of sharing it, and then moving on. It’s by putting things out into the world that we can build on our previous attempts and keep improving.
has written the equivalent of a novel a year, for the past 60 years. And she puts most of it out there. She is not hamstrung by perfectionism. I may have even spotted an error or two in her Substack posts. But who cares? She’s Margaret Freaking Atwood. If she was still working on The Handmaid's Tale, trying to perfect every letter, we would have been robbed of the beauty of that and everything else she’s written since then.
Good enough needs to actually be good enough for those of us who are crippled by perfectionism. I have been writing my whole life yet I’ve published next to nothing, because perfectionism stops me in my tracks every time. I have boxes of handwritten work, not to mention various computer drives cluttered with my writing. Precious little of it has ever seen the light of day. What a shame.
Taking the leap into publishing is my next personal challenge. I’m not doing this because I think I’m some kind of guru who’s going to change the world with my deep insights. I’m doing this because the urge to create is in me, and it’s time to put it out into the world - good, bad, or indifferent though the reception may be. I have an inner drive to share my experience, and if even one person gains insight from reading my work, then overcoming the fear was worth it.
For those of us who struggle with perfectionist tendencies, we can look at the areas of our lives where we feel stuck. When we examine what’s underlying our fear of starting, or completing, or putting out those projects, we can ask ourselves if a fear of failure has anything to do with it. We can ask ourselves, what is the worst case scenario? What would actually happen if it’s less than perfect before we let it loose in the world?
I’ve decided to consciously re-craft my perception of failure. I used to think that if I put out a piece and everyone hates it, or worse still, no one reads it, then that’s failure. Instead - if I never publish, and never have that opportunity to create something that resonates with people and opens up a new way of seeing things, but instead, I hid it all in a closet, then that constitutes real failure. Then I never had a chance to reach for my full potential, and lost the opportunity to allow my experience to shape someone else’s journey. And I missed my calling. That’s failure.
We lose out on so many experiences by being perfectionists. We say no to life. We think everyone else is watching us so closely, waiting for us to mess up, when in actuality, no one cares because they are equally wrapped up in themselves.
What if Michelangelo never unveiled the David, because one muscle on its back was not anatomically correct? What if Tolstoy never published a novel because he was crippled by self doubt regarding the phrasing of a particular sentence? What if Einstein never shared his theories with the world, because one formula seemed a little off? What if Van Gogh destroyed his paintings in a fit of rage because he couldn’t get the flowers just right?
All the great creators, thinkers, and inventors throughout history took a chance. They got over themselves and shared what they made - even though it was less than perfect. Their desire to create and put forth overcame their desire to stay safe from failure. Some of the greatest creators failed miserably, over and over, before hitting their stride.
As soon as our art is released into the world, it no longer belongs to us anyway. This should give us the freedom to let it be simply good enough. There is no way to get it “right”.
Perfectionism is an excuse to hide from the world. Our regret over not taking the leap must surpass any regret we would have experienced by leaping.
We have something that can be a gift to the world, if we can just set it free. We hold things so tightly, thinking they aren’t ready, they aren’t good enough, what if it flops, what if this, what if that. What if we just do it and see what happens? Our worlds won’t come crashing in on us, our heads won’t implode, I promise.
I refuse to be hamstrung by perfectionism for another moment. I’m choosing to say yes to life.