Give It Time

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

I walk a lot. In my small community, that means I walk past the same landmarks time and time again.

Despite my attempts at mindfulness, I’m often paying more attention to my inner world than noticing which building I’m walking past. One day I looked up, saw the high school, and instantly cast back eight years in my mind.

Back then, my life was in shambles. In the specific moment that came flooding back to me, I was walking past the high school, in the dark and rain, waiting to pick up one of my kids from choir practice. I was on the phone with a friend, in tears about my situation, and feeling utterly hopeless.

Have you ever been in that position, where the pieces of your life are swirling around you, and you feel like there’s no way you could ever gather it all and reassemble it into something akin to a decent life, ever again? That was my world, that particular day.

If you live long enough, life presents you with crises. Few people live so charmed a life as to avoid the occasional deluge of misfortune.

While the maxim with age comes wisdom doesn’t always apply, I do think with age comes perspective. The longer I live, the more I see that the intense crises of life always pass, and sooner than I think. When caught up in the maelstrom, the sense of doom can feel crushing, and it’s easy to lose hope. It feels like it’s impossible for the situation to turn around - but there’s always a way.

Now, with the benefit of more life experience, and the sheer passage of time, I try to look at things with the perspective of a 30,000 foot view.

The next time your brain tries to trick you into thinking a bad situation is permanent, here are three skills to focus on.

Non-attachment

This is easier said than done, but if you can cultivate a sense of non-attachment to the situation, you’ll be able to see it more clearly. It’s like moving to the eye of the storm instead of being caught up in the tumult. When you gain the ability to step back and take a more objective view, you can start to shift how you approach the situation. Whatever’s happening may not be your fault, but since it’s affecting your life, it’s your responsibility.

Here’s a trick to help you gain some distance. If you were the main character in a movie of your life, what would the audience be screaming at you to do now?

Curiosity

Once you’ve acquired a little space from what’s happening, approach the situation with curiosity. Be curious about your reactions, your feelings, and your thought process. Ask yourself where it’s coming from. Play out scenarios in your mind about the potential outcomes from various courses of action. When you can maintain a sense of curiosity about the situation, you may find you’re able to act from your wise mind, and not seize on a conditioned reaction. Try to imagine how interesting it will be to see how things unfold.

Faith

I’m not talking about faith in the context of religion (though it can be that, if it’s right for you). Can you muster up a bit of faith that this situation will turn out just fine? No matter what happens, you’ll always be okay - can you find it within yourself to believe that? When you cultivate faith, it’s easier to rest in equanimity, knowing that things will unfold exactly as they should. A solution will present itself, things will shift, and the way will become clear. Trust that the Universe has a plan for you, and this is only one chapter of the story.

When we are caught up in the storm of a crisis, it can feel completely hopeless. But we have free will and sovereignty over our lives, so there is always reason for hope. In the thick of it, all we can do is look for the next move in the right direction. We don’t have to see our way clear to the destination, we only need to take the next step.

With the passage of years, I have been given the gift of perspective. There’s no truer statement than this too shall pass. Everything changes. Give yourself time.

Eight years might as well be eons. My life has transformed into something utterly unrecognizable; unimaginable to my former self. It didn’t come together all at once, and certainly not on my desired timeline. Through weathering that particular storm, I learned that I can handle more than I ever believed I could. And no matter what happens, I’ll always be okay.

Now when I walk past the high school, I recognize where I am, and with a momentary rush of gratitude, I smile.

If this work enriched your life even a smidge, would you considering giving a modest tip?