The Power of No Opinion
“I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right”. - Keanu Reeves
Expressing our opinions far and wide at the click of a button has never been easier. By wielding the power of the Interwebs, we’re able to tell every person we know (and strangers too!) what we think on the topic du jour.
We freely spout opinions about politics, pandemics and wars. There was a time when polite conversation steered clear of contentious topics like politics and religion, but now it’s all fair game.
Keyboard warriors aren’t burdened by the need to discern between opinion and fact. Some of us even thrive on the chaos brought by arguing. We search for people who will back us up or we itch for a fight with those who disagree. We use our opinions as a way to sort ourselves into tribes.
We are convinced we know the answers and could solve the problems of the world. If only people did things the way we do - the right way. We continually cast judgment and pronounce everything as either good or bad.
Stoicism offers a visualization technique that aids in developing perspective. With this practice, we gradually zoom out from our own body in space, out to the stratosphere, and this helps us to gain not only perspective, but freedom from attachment to our opinions. When we can visualize other humans, how they live, what their perspective might be, and how world events impact them, it plants the seeds of empathy and we gain the ability to see things from other points of view.
Choosing not to share our opinions can actually be an act of compassion.
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” - Marcus Aurelius
Our attachment to opinions is one manifestation of clinging. The philosophy of Buddhism teaches that clinging is the root source of suffering. Detachment, or more specifically, non-attachment is championed as a way to achieve freedom from suffering.
Oh, how we are willing to suffer for our opinions. Friendships are lost, family relationships are shattered. The love of opinions has obliterated relationships.
Do we want to be happy or do we want to be right?
Hinduism teaches the concept of Maya or illusion. The world is an illusion and humans can’t truly perceive reality. As Anais Nin said, we don’t see the world as it is, but as we are.
Even science is often a matter of opinion. Multiple experiments are required to prove a new scientific fact into existence. Until there is irrefutable proof, it remains a theory, that is, an opinion.
When we are open-minded, we are open to the possibility of learning more. In Zen, this is referred to as Beginner’s Mind. We don’t believe we are experts in anything. In fact, the more experience and knowledge we gain (which adds up to wisdom), the less sure we are of anything.
The practice of meditation trains our brain to simply observe, and step back from judgment and identification. We always have a choice. We can choose to have no opinion, we can choose not to get involved, we can choose who to spend time with, and we can make efforts to steer the conversation.
If we don’t have enough facts on the matter to form an opinion, then we aren’t qualified to offer one. Let’s go even deeper - what are the sources of the facts? News media is no longer a reliable source of factual information. They provide their audience with biased opinions because that’s what generates revenue - they no longer objectively report the news.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” - Marcus Aurelius
Being opinionated is a manifestation of ego and an emotionally immature approach to the world.
With maturity, we begin to see that things are not so black and white as they may seem. Whenever an issue seems clear cut, we have surely missed something. Everything is nuanced with infinite shades of grey. For us, with our puny human intellect, to believe we have the answers is extremely short-sighted. The more wisdom we gain, the more our identification with opinions begins to drop away. What we once thought were facts, we discover are simply opinions.
We can approach contentious situations with curiosity and seek to understand the issues. We can lead with compassion and empathy. It isn’t necessary to agree with someone to validate their point of view. Sometimes just our calm presence is enough to change the vibe.
When we are tempted to share our thoughts, we can always ask ourselves the classic questions courtesy of Socrates: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Most opinions would not pass this acid test, and therefore, would be better left unsaid.
There is always more than one way of looking at things, and who’s to say what’s wrong or right? Hold space for individual differences - let other people believe what they want to. There’s no need to try to “correct” them. It doesn’t have to affect us. We don’t need to impose our opinions on anyone else, or convince them to see things the way we do. There is nothing to prove.
Freedom from opinions and the need to express them gives us space and time and energy in our lives to focus on the things that actually matter, and the things that we can control. Concentrating on things that we can have no impact on is a recipe for unhappiness.
Today, practice not judging anything that happens. Relieve yourself from the constant burden of having to assess. Just because you can have an opinion, doesn’t mean you should.
Experiment and experience for yourself the power of having no opinion.
Has the expression of your opinions landed you in hot water online or IRL?
Do you think it’s worth making an effort to dial back either forming or sharing opinions?
Do you feel having opinions and freely sharing them is your right and people can just take it or leave it?
I really enjoyed this. Thank you, Amy. I find it’s best to keep quiet most of the time as I don’t really know anything for definite. Other than the things I do and don’t want to engage with. Thoughtful posts like this - yes. Opinionated rants convinced that what they think is the definitive truth - no. One of the most powerful things I’ve learned so far is that there isn’t one version of truth or reality. It’s different for everyone so I’m not getting into arguments about anything online or off!
Very good piece. I think people should be able to express their opinions, but I also think it's good to consider dialing back. I have opinions, strong ones, but I've also realized in the current social climate there is limited value (if there is any at all) in sharing them. It's not merely the lack of nuance and complexity, or the notion that everyone's opinion is equally valid, but the purity tests of having to agree with people to be considered good or a friend. Recently, a neighbor posted some rather stark accusations against someone on a neighborhood group and though I think her accusations were probably correct, I simply commented that it's a good idea to choose our words carefully online as things online get out of hand. I thought that was a rather mild bit of advice for everyone. She accused me of being on the accused's side and defriended me on social media and avoids speaking to me IRL now.
I've always been a big believer that the best friends tell us when we're wrong. They're the one's that are honest, who try to pull you back from the brink when you've gone to far, who are willing to disagree with you. I still believe that. But in today's world it's not wanted or appreciated. You're expected to nod along in loyal agreement no matter what otherwise, you're "other". I wonder how much this all plays into the loneliness epidemic. No one has any real friends, all they've got is shallow sycophants who agree with everything they say.