"I've Just Never Been Good With Money"

learn to get good by tweaking your mindset

Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash

Excuses get tossed around to explain why folks are behind the eight ball, financially. Near the top of the list is this one: I’ve just never been good with money.

That may be true. But just because it’s your current situation, doesn’t mean it has to be your destiny.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. As they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

You absolutely can become good with money, but first you must realize that you need to be accountable and take responsibility for yourself. 

I know, your parents didn’t set a good example. 

I hear you, you weren’t taught basic financial literacy in school. 

I get it, you had a controlling spouse who didn’t let you handle any money matters.

All of this may be true, and likely contributed to where you are now. And it’s never too late to chart a new way forward.

There are powerful forces working to keep you financially illiterate and dependent, and entities that have an interest in keeping you in the financial dark.

• corporations with the sole purpose to efficiently part you from your money

• financially manipulative family members

• inherited money trauma from your lineage

• a financially abusive marriage

• a financial advisor who works for an institution with a mandate to fleece you for as much money as possible (I’m not insinuating that advisors are evil, but the whole point of banks and investment companies is to make money off you, that’s the brutal truth.) 

Photo by Emil Kalibradov on Unsplash

Seize the reins and educate yourself about money. Literacy is an important piece of the puzzle, but the key piece is awareness around the mindset of money. 

You are coming from an ingrained paradigm. Any of the following unconscious beliefs could be driving your behaviour:

• you feel a constant sense of lack and scarcity

• you feel compelled to keep money flowing - what you receive needs to go out again as soon as possible

• you don’t believe you’re deserving of good things like an abundance of money

• you’re caught in a cycle of constant buying in an attempt to make yourself feel better 

There are any number of ways to think about money, and many of them will hinder your progress until they are adequately addressed. Overcoming the money messages from your upbringing and the conditioning you’ve received about money up til now is job one.

Following are some ideas on how to move in the direction of becoming good with money.

1. Start to examine your limiting beliefs. Spend some time journaling about how receiving and spending money makes you feel, what beliefs you acquired from your family of origin, how money has impacted you in the context of relationships, and your thoughts on the purpose of money. You may uncover feelings that you haven’t consciously acknowledged. If you are dealing with money trauma, reach out to a therapist to work through these issues.

2. Make two lists. One is a list of all the ways you DON’T want to be with money. Write about things you don’t want to waste money on anymore, work you aren’t willing to do, debts you don’t want to have, etc. The other list is the ways you DO want to be with money. Write about abundance, wise money moves, and the things you want to see in your financial future.

3. Now that you have a map of what you do and don’t want, start figuring out directions for how to get where you want to go. You may want to work with an unbiased financial coach (one who is not paid for recommending products), who can help point you in the right direction.

4. Get good at the basics. Are you earning enough money? If not, work on skill-building, polish up your resume, and apply for suitable positions. Are you saving a good portion of your income? If not, ruthlessly cut your spending and find ways to save. Are your savings just sitting in a bank account? Learning how to invest can feel overwhelming, but other people have learned how to do it, and you can too.

5. Track every dollar you spend, at least for a month or two. Examine your records, and root out waste. We all squander money, at least sometimes. Perhaps you will decide to limit the barrage of Amazon deliveries, the Door Dash orders, the streaming subscriptions or whatever you find you are spending on unnecessarily. There is no judgment here - we all have a weak spot in our spending that we can shore up. 

6. Keep learning. There’s an abundance of financial information out there, free for the taking. Sorting out the info worth consuming from the scammy misinformation may take some time. Find reputable sources (likely not TikTok) and take in as much solid content as you can. Through immersion, you will start to absorb by osmosis.

7. Surround yourself with financially literate folks. Discern which friends have achieved financial feats like buying a home, paying off credit card debt, or building a nest egg, then pick their brains. After all, you become like the people you spend the most time with.

8. Set goals. Whether you want to accumulate a specific amount in your emergency fund, kill a certain credit card balance, save a percentage of your income, or reach a 6 figure net worth, having goals gives you something tangible to work toward and keeps you on track. Writing them down and recording your progress will help you achieve them.

The only one you can count on is yourself - that’s not nihilism, simply realism. You can’t rely on an inheritance, the government, your spouse, or even your employer. The rug can be ripped out from under you at any time, which should be all the impetus you need to take charge of your financial life.

Know that you can do this yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re struggling with overcoming conditioning around money, or getting skilled at the basics, or any other aspect of becoming good with money, reach out for help. Financial therapists and coaches are available to assist. 

Money is certainly not the point of life, but it can solve a lot of problems, and can add a good dose of comfort to life. It pays to become good with it.

What do you think are the qualities of someone who’s good with money?

What are some other excuses people use to justify why they fail to take charge of their finances?

Is there anything you would add to the list of ways to start getting good with money?