Why We Can't Just Be Happy

Photo by Matteo Di Iorio on Unsplash

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

~Blaise Pascal

Humans are an intensely unhappy bunch.

We expend every effort to chase the next acquisition or accomplishment or accolade that will finally bestow lasting happiness upon us.

The problem is, that’s not how it works.

In Buddhist terms, we are stuck in a loop of suffering caused by our never ending wants and desires, and this creates our unhappiness. Until we can escape the cycle of craving, we will not be happy. 

The primary solution to this problem is so deceptively simple, that most folks discard it out of hand, particularly in our action-oriented, individualistic Western society.

It’s meditation.

Often, people proclaim that they just can’t do it. There’s no way they can sit still, turn off their brain, spare the time, insert excuse here. While it’s true that meditation does not suit everyone - it can even be counterproductive for some people - the vast majority of us can benefit immensely from the practice.

The effectiveness of meditation stems from a handful of essential concepts. 

1. Meditation allows us to be present and just be.

Happiness eludes us because we can’t just sit with ourselves. Instead, we distract ourselves with our phones, surround ourselves with people, long for our next purchase, or dread that upcoming event. Whatever it is that takes us away from the present moment creates our unhappiness.

By simply focusing on the flow of our breath, and letting go of the busy thoughts that clutter our minds, we reconnect to our being. The ability to flow with the breath translates to an enhanced capability to flow with the ebbs and tides of life.

With time and diligent practice, we can become skilled at staying present.

The surprising secret of happiness is just being. Not doing, not thinking, not planning, not forcing, not remembering, not anything, except being.

We create our problems by dwelling instead in the past or future, neither of which we have any control over. We block happiness by time travelling in our minds back to a painful event that we regret, or forward to an anxiety provoking possibility that might never come to pass.

In the present moment, we rarely find any problems. Happiness is found right here, right now - the only time we ever have. 

2. Meditation helps us grasp the concept of impermanence. 

With practice, we come to accept, and even welcome, impermanence. If circumstances are unfavourable right now, we know things will change before long. And if circumstances are favourable, we rest in gratitude and peace, knowing it will not last.

Circumstances don’t cause our level of happiness. We cause it, by where we choose to focus our thoughts. 

Photo by Ezechiel Kouassi on Unsplash

3. Meditation teaches us how to accept and let go. 

Allowing things to be as they are is an acquired skill. Let it come, let it be, let it go.

We learn how to hold things lightly instead of clasping so tightly. Cultivating this ability helps lead us toward happiness.

4. Meditation disciplines our minds to become observers.

It trains our minds to watch the thoughts that come and go without attempting to judge or change them. 

As we gain distance from our thoughts, we are, in effect, setting a boundary between our Self and our mind. We internalize this essential concept: we are not our thoughts.

5. Meditation teaches us that we don’t have to cling to or identify with things. 

This starts with the practice of letting go of thoughts instead of identifying with or attaching ourselves to them. Just because a thought passes through our minds, doesn’t mean we need to grab hold of it or even believe it.

Like all other aspects of meditation, as we learn to do these things in our mind, the skills translate organically to the external world. This results in less clinging, less identifying - in short, less unhappiness.

6. Meditation increases our sense of awareness.

Naturally, we become more mindful in all aspects of life, leading to greater intentionality, instead of acting and reacting on autopilot. The ability to remain present and aware allows us to make better choices in how we behave.

When we no longer blindly identify with or believe our thoughts, we start to increase the gap between an event and our response to it, which leads to greater self-control and less reactivity.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

~Viktor Frankl

7. Meditation allows us to tap into our intuition.

Training ourselves to just sit and be still and silent teaches us to pay attention to our innate wisdom that is often drowned out with noise and busyness.

We have an inner knowing. As we peel back the layers through our meditation practice, we learn to listen to ourselves.

8. Meditation interrupts the craving loop.

Because we let go of the thoughts that arise - the ones urging us to get this or that so we can finally be happy - we realize there’s no reason we can’t be happy right now.

Happiness doesn’t come from buying the latest thing-a-ma-jig or getting a gazillion likes on our post. Happiness doesn’t come from anything external. It comes from inside, by learning how to just be.

We can be happy in the face of it all.

If you’re not already a meditator, I hope you feel encouraged to try it. And if you are, please share your experience in the comments. How long have you been practicing? What benefits have you noticed?